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Literature Text
Autumn has a certain smell to it;
a crisp chill that creeps into the air,
holding promises of
flushed cheeks,
warm soups, and
cozy sweaters.
There's a subtle yet
delicious
shift in energy, and a
quiet and
patient sort of
charm.
Stepping outside on that first chilly day,
I can already taste the smoke and pumpkin;
already see the warm hues of gold-laden branches;
already hear the game-day cheers
and
crackle of leaves underfoot....
I can already smell the autumn.
a crisp chill that creeps into the air,
holding promises of
flushed cheeks,
warm soups, and
cozy sweaters.
There's a subtle yet
delicious
shift in energy, and a
quiet and
patient sort of
charm.
Stepping outside on that first chilly day,
I can already taste the smoke and pumpkin;
already see the warm hues of gold-laden branches;
already hear the game-day cheers
and
crackle of leaves underfoot....
I can already smell the autumn.
© 2015 - 2024 The-Silent-Stargazer
Comments5
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If you'll allow me a moment to annotate, I'd like to help build this poem up. Please keep in mind that critique is never personal - it's always about the writing, not the writer 
I don't critique something if I don't already believe in its existing potential 
Autumn has a certain smell to it;1
a crisp chill that creeps into the air,
holding promises of
flushed cheeks,
warm soups, and
cozy sweaters.2
There's a subtle yet
delicious
shift in energy, and a
quiet and
patient sort of
charm.3
Stepping outside on that first chilly day,
I can already taste the smoke and pumpkin;
already see the warm hues of gold-laden branches;
already hear the game-day cheers
and 4
crackle of leaves underfoot....
I can already smell the autumn.5
1. Not the best opening line. Something more specific, concrete would be a better option. A poetry teacher once gave me a tip that's never failed me - the more specific you make it, the more universal it becomes. Counter-intuitive as it may seem, it really is true. If you tailor something exclusively to your own experience, you'll be surprised by how many people identify with what you say.
2. Your line breaks are kinda all over the place here, and you also frequently end on very weak words. When you break a line, the last word gets the most emphasis - the reader will hold that word in their mind a split second longer during the time it takes their eyes to scan for the next line. You can use that to your advantage to make sure the reader holds on to strong words; the best places to break is usually on a noun or verb.
3. Again, weak line breaks in this sentence. The breaks have also given the poem as a whole an odd structure. You begin and end with long lines, but the middle is full of short, clipped lines. As a rule of thumb, long lines read slower, while short lines read quickly - long lines are ponderous, while short lines give a sense of speed. Given the tone of your poem, I think you would be better served by longer lines in the middle.
4. A singe word all on its own line gets special emphasis; why is this "and" set apart from the rest of the poem?
5. Though the ending is conclusive, I find it a touch weak. Taking the rest of the poem into account, I think you have it in you to find a stronger ending
I don't critique something if I don't already believe in its existing potential Autumn has a certain smell to it;1
a crisp chill that creeps into the air,
holding promises of
flushed cheeks,
warm soups, and
cozy sweaters.2
There's a subtle yet
delicious
shift in energy, and a
quiet and
patient sort of
charm.3
Stepping outside on that first chilly day,
I can already taste the smoke and pumpkin;
already see the warm hues of gold-laden branches;
already hear the game-day cheers
and 4
crackle of leaves underfoot....
I can already smell the autumn.5
1. Not the best opening line. Something more specific, concrete would be a better option. A poetry teacher once gave me a tip that's never failed me - the more specific you make it, the more universal it becomes. Counter-intuitive as it may seem, it really is true. If you tailor something exclusively to your own experience, you'll be surprised by how many people identify with what you say.
2. Your line breaks are kinda all over the place here, and you also frequently end on very weak words. When you break a line, the last word gets the most emphasis - the reader will hold that word in their mind a split second longer during the time it takes their eyes to scan for the next line. You can use that to your advantage to make sure the reader holds on to strong words; the best places to break is usually on a noun or verb.
3. Again, weak line breaks in this sentence. The breaks have also given the poem as a whole an odd structure. You begin and end with long lines, but the middle is full of short, clipped lines. As a rule of thumb, long lines read slower, while short lines read quickly - long lines are ponderous, while short lines give a sense of speed. Given the tone of your poem, I think you would be better served by longer lines in the middle.
4. A singe word all on its own line gets special emphasis; why is this "and" set apart from the rest of the poem?
5. Though the ending is conclusive, I find it a touch weak. Taking the rest of the poem into account, I think you have it in you to find a stronger ending